Thursday, 22 January 2009

“Sir, the noblest prospect that a Scotchman ever sees, is the high road that leads him to London.” Samuel Johnson

I was well aware throughout my time at university that if I wanted to get to heart of the music music business I would eventually have to move to London.

Not only that, I WANTED to come to London, and I was ready to give up my almost perfectly constructed life in Scotland and hit the ground running with my career.

“I came to London. It had become the center of my world and I had worked hard to come to it. And I was lost.”
V.S. Naipaul

London as a city has been everything I could have hoped for and more. In the average week you communicate with literally 100s of cultures, and I’m sure that the phrase “learn something new everyday” was coined in this mad, confusing and strangely formed city.

While I love London and wouldn’t change my situation for anything (well, OK, slight exaggeration) I have felt so lost. Not career-wise, just life-wise.

I have a small but lovely friendship group. This ‘group’ consists of two people; Andrew – a 2nd generation Scot, whose parents come from two towns very close to where I went to University – and Jacob, a boy who was born in London and raised with firm Polish traditions.

To make friends (and some much needed extra money), I took a second job in a pub, Pickwicks Wine Bar. Here I have met lovely people that I can chat to if I see them on the street, but no close friends that I could ring a go for a coffee with. (Something which has been very much part of my social life for the last few years.)

In Scotland, it would not be out of the ordinary for me to go for coffee with different friends 3 or 4 times a day. I've always found coffee shops the perfect places to catch up and gossip over a steaming hot latte and a berry muffin. I miss this more than anything.

My amazing Canadian friend Melanie and I used to have regular study breaks from Uni and head round to Beanscene, or to Costa and just rest, relax and let out the majority of our emotions – I say majority because I remember all emotions being aired, other than anger.

Here, there is no one to do this with. I go home from work and if Andrew and Jacob have plans; I sit in my house and idly watch TV. Bored.

I’m lucky enough that Andrew often takes pity on me and I now consider him one of my very good friends.

I feel like an intruder into his and Jacobs lives. I know that they don’t mind me spending time with them, but I know as soon as I leave them, they are back to the way they should be and I am certainly not a part of that.

I’m a very social person and this constant boredom is really getting me down. I miss my friends, my support network so terribly.

Without them around me, it's almost as though I don't have my proper identity. No-one here really knows me and I don't really see how I can ever expect them to understand me.

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