Florence Scovel Shinn
Current State of Mind: N/A - My mind has gone.
At the moment my head is in a strange place. I don't feel comfortable - in anything really.
In work this new responsibility is really taking it out of me. I am working to the best of my ability (i think) and I still don't seem to be getting anywhere. It feels as though I am punching well above my weight. Which indeed I am. I feel as though I can't quite master the level of organisation and business brains (& balls) to succeed here. It is a genuinely terrifying feeling.
Charles F. Kettering
Expectation for this project is extremely high - the event has to be bigger and better than last year, but with less money, less time and literally thousands of people waiting for a success - the pressure is enormous.
I don't feel comfortable in myself either. I really don't understand this. But as stated in an earlier post, when I feel out of control little things that used to bother me start bothering me again putting me in a complex situation. While this may seem bad there are up sides.
I work harder; I have no choice but to focus completely; I feel like I'm succeeding in something.
This issue with not being comfortable with myself at the moment means that I am more nervous than I should be about Irish coming to visit tomorrow. Excitement and fear at the same time do strange things to the brain! (Well... mine anyway!)
Part of me feel that with all of this I am just being a typical woman. For example (and explanation) when I was up north in Bonnie Scotland over the weekend I went for dinner with some friends and we got discussing women in the workplace. Someone stated that almost every woman they know is unable to take credit for anything and simply feel that they were 'lucky' getting to where they are. That is exactly how I feel and until last weekend I presumed that was alone in thinking this. Do we really unnecessary pressure on ourselves?
Not having masses of faith in my work makes me want it more. It makes me work harder and makes me want to prove myself. (This came from an incident with a music teacher in high school telling me I would never get anywhere in life.)
If I want something bad enough, can I develop the talent required to succeed? While Mr Eric Hoffer was a fantastic writer, I'm not entirely convinced he knew what he was talking about...