“When in doubt, don't.” Benjamin Franklin

I meant to write a blog entry last week when I was elated. I am sure it is not just me that gets tired of being negative. I much prefer being a positive 'happy-go-lucky' kind of person. Especially when so much is going well.

Is it just human nature that tell us when the majority of things are going well, we should focus on the few things that are going badly?

Anyway, I got sidetracked with philosophy!

Here is what happened last week:

In work as part of staff development we have annual reviews. I received mine on Friday the 27th and it went far better than I expected. I was told that I would be a 'great asset to any company' and that when dealing with a major crisis in the industry I worked with maturity and organisation beyond my years, and made life easier for the companies we work with. When someone hears this about themselves it is an amazing feeling. It's a boost, a sign that you're on the right track, a sign that your hard work is really paying off. I was immensely flattered.

Only a few days before that we had a committee meeting regarding one our annual events, a huge celebration of our sector. (I am learning to write very little about my profession as I'm aware that newspapers are currently scouring any site that mentions it to look for good stories and exclusives on events... sad? Yes. A pain in the backside? Most definitely.) It is a big deal and will hopefully be featuring some extremely high profile names.

“If you are lucky enough to find a way of life you love, you have to find the courage to live it.” Anon

In just over a month we will be employing an outside event manager to look after everything but in the mean time, they have given that job to me! I could not believe my luck. It is back to live music, back to what I know and adore. Back to what I am passionate about. However one week later... Ouch.

I am completely aware I'm punching well above my weight... I'm no longer dealing with acts on the Scottish circuit, but instead, internationally renowned acts. Acts which sell millions of albums and play the major festivals and are featured in Billboard, Q and Mojo. The acts that used to be stuck on my bedroom walls. I used to save up all of my pocket money to buy the latest release from these amazing human beings and now... I have no clue what I'm doing.

“Discouragement is not the absence of adequacy but the absence of courage.”

When I calm down and rationally consider that task, it does seem possible. It's not massively dissimilar to my own gigs. Instead of a £2000 budget, it is £20,000. Instead of paying the acts £500, its more like £10,000. Booking the acts doesn't really phase me, it's approaching the labels. I feel like a phony. I've blagged this. I'm a meer graduate coordinating a huge event. How is this even possible?

“Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt” William Shakespeare

I just have to get my head down and get on with it.

Everyone doubts themselves. I know that. I have to grow up and learn that this is how things are. If I want to succeed I have to stop waiting for people to tell me I'm doing a good job and just get on with it

“Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore.” Andre Gide