Sunday, 26 April 2009

"What appears to be the end may really be a new beginning.”

For me, the past three months have been nothing short of a rollercoaster ride. I have spent about two months wallowing in everything that is wrong with my life. I have been close to moving home and I have felt rejection, pain and more recently been hurt by someone I trusted with all my heart. I needed a night out, I needed to go out, have fun and not care about anything. That is exactly what I did.

I woke up this morning with a hangover that must have been brewed in hell and through my blearly eyes and pounding headache I realised that I simply can't do this to myself anymore. I am out of control and just a mess. I really am not cut of for dealing with anything like this.

When we reach points like this, we grasp for control. It's human nature. We do not like to not be in control of our actions and emotions so we resort to coping mechanisms. Mine are far from ideal.

This morning, through the payback from the night before, I tried to think positively, I tried to find something that made me excited and enthusiastic. I have decided to take up running.

There are many reasons that this is a horrible idea - for one my knees are a mess and I'm not allowed to run. For a second reason, I have a very addictive personality and I do not want to get back into over-exercising. Also, I'm short of money for proper running shoes and knee supports, and I am also very short of time...

Even with all of these reasons, I feel excited! I feel over the moon that I have a new ambition. I'm hoping to run a 5K by christmas and then if all goes according to plan and my knees hold up, I am planning on running the London marathon next year.

I have never been a runner and I really do not know what I'm letting myself in for - all I know is I need something new that I am in control of. I need a new way of feeling in control of my life. I hope running and training will provide that for me.

I have researched the best methods of taking up running and it seems that I have to go very very slowly. Start by walking briskly and running for 1 or 2 mins at a time but by using my schedule I should be able to run 5K in about 10 weeks.

Here goes nothing

1 comment:

  1. Wow...I can't believe you are running! Good on ya!! (Bad on your knees*gah*) I need to hear some updates on alllll the other stuff going on.*L*

    Did my parcel ever arrive?