Telling yourself you told you so...?

Currently Playing: Dream On - Christian Falk feat Robyn. (My fantasyland song)

Knowing that you were both right and wrong proves both upsetting and strangely comforting. You discover that the negative pessimistic side of you was correct, while the positive, hopeful and optimistic side of you is left to go and sulk in a corner. The problem is, each time the positive side disappears to a corner, it takes longer and longer to lure it back out.

So TH turned out to be a rat and not just a normal rat, but a super rat. He put so much effort in to acting like something that he clearly is not that I almost pity him.

When we are played so badly, we kick ourselves, we know that we should have known it was too perfect. We should have known that while it temporarily appeared we were living in a 1930s romance novel we would come round and realse it was actually a modern day trashy read of the typical boy screws over girl story... but who doesn't want to feel amazing?

I am so grateful to my negative / pessimistic side right now. It has kept TH at arms left and kept me safe - people like him can't hurt me. Not any more.

You won't be pushed or messed with tonight
you won't be lied to, ruffed up tonight
You won't be insane, paranoid, obsessed
aimlessly wandering through the dark night
(Christian Falk - Dream On)

It is better to suffer wrong than to do it, and happier to be sometimes cheated than not to trust

Current Mindset : Happy / Smiley
Current Song: Such Great Heights: The Postal Service

Would someone who was going to 'zap' you do the following:

Plan the first date,
Be the first to call
Be the first to text
Plan the second date
Provide the wine
Cut out of newspaper clipping that mentions a bar he thinks would be fun to go to together.
Suggest going on a drive to the South Coast just for a nice pub lunch and a long walk
Suggest going to the club he works in occasionally because he think you'd like the cocktails

"Trust that little voice in your head that says “Wouldn’t it be interesting if..”; And then do it."

TH seems to be able to read me... a bit too well. He looked at me yesterday and just understood... he said "you don't know what to make of me do you?" I thought it was only fair to respond in an honest answer.... "no". He smiled and gave me a hug and said "I can tell you think I'm a player, and I would love the chance to prove you wrong."

For me, giving this beautiful man a chance is a risk, and it feels like one. However the hour glass in my head has been turned and no matter how positive I may act or try to be, I feel that I am now on a time limit. This is not any fault of TH I just simply do not trust myself. I do not trust my judgment and I do not trust that I will not say or do something ridiculous that will immediately ruin everything.

One must be fond of people and trust them if one is not to make a mess of life.

Trusting yourself if twice as hard as trusting others...

If someone breaks your trust, you know it's their fault and therefore it is not a confusing and overly hurtful situation, however if you trust yourself you are the one to blame when everything goes wrong.

What do you do when you can see the bug zapper and you know it will probably end up the same as it does every other time, but there is a tiny niggle that says maybe, just maybe this one will work out differently.

If this one is nothing but a bug zapper... he is doing a great job of disguising himself as prince charming. (Is charming the key word here?)