Catching Up is Hard to Do

The Future is something which everyone reaches at the rate of sixty minutes an hour, whatever he does, whoever he is.C.S. Lewis

Trying to catch up on the past eight months is not do-able for the time being, however here are 10 points, in no particular order, to bring me back up to speed.

1) Home
I now live with the lovely man in the post prior to this one. He is as ever, incredible. Some cracks are beginning to show (i.e. he can't cook, clean and enjoys partying a bit much for me) but all in all, he is great and everything is going well.

2) Career
Late last year I was offered a job by a fantastic digital distribution company. Now three months in, I'm happy and getting used to a whole new side of the music industry. It wasn't the easiest move and I miss my old colleagues more than I expected to but my new colleagues are [mostly] great and this is a great experience. the main benefit of this situation is, I don't have to work 70 hours a week anymore!!!

3) Babies
My gorgeous little sister is pregnant. Oh dear. She is 17 and has her whole life infront of her. I can't say i'm over-the-moon about the situation but credit where it is due, she is one of the most clued up people I know and is showing a maturity beyong her years. I don't doubt for a second that she will be a fantastic Mum.

4) Travels
I was lucky enough to get to go to Cannes at the end of January for work. We went for a trade show and while it was busy and there were far too many meetings to be had, it's hard to complain when you are on the French riviera outside a bar soaking up the sun while talking numbers! It was an incredible place. Almost unreal. Everyone looked as though they had stepped off a catwalk, beer was 16euros and it wasn't uncommon to spend 40euro on a gin and tonic. Thank god for expenses!

5) Hanson
Yes... The "kids that sang Mmmbop". Well they are still going strong and I was over the moon to finally get to meet them. I've followed their musical career for the last 14 years and it was a pleasure to discover that they were just as lovely and pleasant as they have always seemed. Now, how to work with them? Hmm. The frustrating thing is, is that I was in with a chance of working with the band, however there are others after them too. I KNOW I would do better job than anyone else on this. There aren't many people in the industry who know the catalogue, the fans, target market and of course the values inside out the way I do. But how to convince them of that without sounding like a crazed fan?

6) Grandpa
One of the most upsetting and heartbreaking experiences of my life, was losing my Grandpa. He passed away peacefully late last year and honestly, I have never felt pain like it. I still miss him and still think I see him and do a double take when I see some elderly man in London. I don't think he ever even visited this city! Just wishful thinking.. R.I.P Grandpa, you will be missed forever.

7) Dad

Still ill, still ungrateful, still complaining, still pretty much useless. He has perked up a little bit now that is due to become a Grandpa himself. Maybe he will take this chance to man up and be the person he can and should be? fingers crossed!!

8) Pets
I have now got a hamster... named Hammond. That's about all I can say on this subject.

9) Weight
I have managed to gain approximately 45lbs in the last 8months. That's not cool... nor comfortable. It's either thanks to contentment... or takeaways.

10) Mum
Myself and my Mum have never been very open with oneanother. As Mothers go, she was amazing, however she has never really known much about me, including some major life changing experiences. We have agreed to go on a holiday together at the end of this month to spend time with each other and perhaps get to know each other better. i'm not overly enthusiastic, there is just too much to tell, but nonetheless, it's lovely that we are both making the effort.

So there we go, that's 10 facts from the past year which brings me back to present day.

What have I missed?

GA X

Counting My Blessings...

I listened to the most beautiful piece of music a couple of days ago, "A song for all seasons" from the album Hymns & Hers by the amazing Oliver Schroer. I was introduced to Oliver's music and his story by his fantastic publicist and close friend Jane Harbury while working in Toronto for the summer. Oliver was diagnosed with leukemia which then progressed to terminal, and not once did he lose courage. listening to his track made me go and look over his old mail-outs to his thousands of fans across the world.

"We all have to die some time. None of us will live on this planet forever. I think some people live very intensely and burn very brightly during their time here. I think I am one of those people. A shining star while I am here. So I look at my life as I have lived it, and I feel very satisfied with all I have achieved and gone through. As a musician and artist I have found my voice on my instrument of choice. "
(Oliver Schroer 08/04/08)

After re-reading Oliver's emails it made me realise that we should all be counting out blessings, we should make an effort each day to remind ourselves of everything that we are thankful for so as I am short of time at the moment, here are the first 5 blessings that pop into my head:

1. I finally feel comfortable in my job. I am now permanent and feel like I am able to cope at the moment. I am being challenged every day and loving every minute of it. I wake up in the morning and look forward to going to work.
2. My re-location to London has all in all been a success. I may not have much money. but I have a great place to stay, great housemates and I am in a great location.
3. I still have all my amazing friends in Scotland and a great place to go home to.
4. Over the years I have been lucky enough to make many friends who have either gone on to live overseas, or who have returned to their home countries. I get to look forward to seeing them again as well as a great excuse to travel!
5. Many opportunities have came my way. Whether it be through going to University, or travelling, or being able to follow my ambitions and dreams. I am gradually working my way through my 43 Things list and it feels fantastic!
   
   

It feels good to do that! It makes me smile to realise that I am actually an incredibly lucky person. Yeah, bad things happen, so what? Things aren't always great, so what? No one said life would be easy, and we must make the most of all we have and enjoy every minute we have!

"I do want to encourage you, that when you do stuff, and get into projects in life, make sure you have the maximum amount of fun and satisfaction you can have. Don’t settle for just a bit of fun. You might have heard the saying ‘More is less’. Well, that only applies sometimes. Often, more really is more. And when it comes to getting satisfaction from creative projects you are involved with, you can bet that more is more, so grab the moment and make the moment big."
Oliver Schroer (8/4/08)

Things That Drive Me Insane

A list of 5 things that are driving me insane:

1) Colleagues who have made it their mission to piss you off by giving you work when it is not necessary
2) People who make plans of your behalf then get annoyed when you decline politely
3) Bosses who realise that you are working 70 hour weeks despite being incredibly stressed with family and your real job but still insist on making you feel useless because you can't work an extra 3 nights per week
4) Colleagues who think that your work isn't as important as theirs and that deadlines with national newspapers mean nothing in comparison to ensuring that a box is ticked in the right colour on a spreadsheet that means nothing to anyone except her anal self
5) Being treated like a piece of crap when you are working your hardest and running yourself into the ground everyday.


“It's not enough to be busy”

GAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH

RANT OVER.

"Its been a bad day baby I just don’t know" The Charlatans

Contrary to what the title of this post suggests this is not the rant-type ramblings that have became all too common on this blog. No, not this time.

Things have changed, my situations have changed and it’s now time to say goodbye to the past and hello to all new things to come.

So here go all the updates:

Mr X and I are solely friends; I refuse completely to let anything else happen there. It is too painful and too confusing. We work as friends, not as anything more. Admittedly we don’t talk as much as we used to and I would be lying if I said this wasn’t upsetting but at the same time, it is far better like this than it would be if anything else were to happen.

He still confuses me, as much as ever but i’m all done there, no matter what happens now; we are friends and nothing more. My choice and one I am now comfortable with.

I am sticking to the single life. Focusing on work (god knows I have plenty to be getting on with) and focusing on getting myself back in gear.

On the subject of work, the enormity of what I have taken on has really hit me. It happened on Friday when a vital part of our team pulled out. Suddenly it dawned on me that even with this person on board, I am in big trouble. I am counting solely on my own determination to succeed and my need to prove myself within this organisation to get me through.

Everything is on my head at the moment and we are rapidly running out of time. (8 weeks today to be exact). I am working with an amazing team around me and I hope to god that it will come together.

I have been very good in keeping up running. My fitness as well as my mood is getting better everyday. Unfortunately this week I have come down with the cold meaning that I have had to take things very easy but I’ll be able to get back in action by next week I think.

All in all I feel that things are beginning to look up for me. I feel more in control of most areas of my life, other than work and family, (that is another blog post altogether!) but I think to myself that very few people are in control of these aspects. We can develop knowledge in both areas, but becoming expert enough in these subjects to be in control of them… that takes a whole different kind of person.

"Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons." Woody Allen

Money. I hate it. I always have hated it and I hate it even more when I have none!!!

London has provided me with a lot. Fact.
Two of London Livings' main offerings have been:

- A massive drop in wages
- An enormous rise in living costs

Not Fun.

At the moment I am trying to stomach a shortfall approximately £500 per month. Bugeting like crazy has got me through thus far but as my wages are monthly and my rent is every 4 weeks I will shortly be facing an extra £440 coming out of my account... that money is just simply not there.

I have got 8 weeks to make that £440 which is actually only £55 a week - £55 that I do not have and can't seem to find a way to get a hold of.

It has been incredibly tough living on the amount of money I'm living on and I try to think of it as an investment in the future.

This week my budget is as follow:

- Travel £10 (with the nicer weather coming in I will hopefully not use all
of this allowing it to be carried over to next week)
- Social Life £20 (this will allow for one small night out)
- Postage £10 (I have birthday presents and baby boxes to mail this
week... damn)
- Ciggies £30 (I know it is awful that these are my biggest expense
but it is my one luxury and I simply refuse not to have
them at the moment)


TOTAL SPEND for week beginning the 23rd of March = £70.

Anyone got any money making tips for me?

“When in doubt, don't.” Benjamin Franklin

I meant to write a blog entry last week when I was elated. I am sure it is not just me that gets tired of being negative. I much prefer being a positive 'happy-go-lucky' kind of person. Especially when so much is going well.

Is it just human nature that tell us when the majority of things are going well, we should focus on the few things that are going badly?

Anyway, I got sidetracked with philosophy!

Here is what happened last week:

In work as part of staff development we have annual reviews. I received mine on Friday the 27th and it went far better than I expected. I was told that I would be a 'great asset to any company' and that when dealing with a major crisis in the industry I worked with maturity and organisation beyond my years, and made life easier for the companies we work with. When someone hears this about themselves it is an amazing feeling. It's a boost, a sign that you're on the right track, a sign that your hard work is really paying off. I was immensely flattered.

Only a few days before that we had a committee meeting regarding one our annual events, a huge celebration of our sector. (I am learning to write very little about my profession as I'm aware that newspapers are currently scouring any site that mentions it to look for good stories and exclusives on events... sad? Yes. A pain in the backside? Most definitely.) It is a big deal and will hopefully be featuring some extremely high profile names.

“If you are lucky enough to find a way of life you love, you have to find the courage to live it.” Anon

In just over a month we will be employing an outside event manager to look after everything but in the mean time, they have given that job to me! I could not believe my luck. It is back to live music, back to what I know and adore. Back to what I am passionate about. However one week later... Ouch.

I am completely aware I'm punching well above my weight... I'm no longer dealing with acts on the Scottish circuit, but instead, internationally renowned acts. Acts which sell millions of albums and play the major festivals and are featured in Billboard, Q and Mojo. The acts that used to be stuck on my bedroom walls. I used to save up all of my pocket money to buy the latest release from these amazing human beings and now... I have no clue what I'm doing.

“Discouragement is not the absence of adequacy but the absence of courage.”

When I calm down and rationally consider that task, it does seem possible. It's not massively dissimilar to my own gigs. Instead of a £2000 budget, it is £20,000. Instead of paying the acts £500, its more like £10,000. Booking the acts doesn't really phase me, it's approaching the labels. I feel like a phony. I've blagged this. I'm a meer graduate coordinating a huge event. How is this even possible?

“Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt” William Shakespeare

I just have to get my head down and get on with it.

Everyone doubts themselves. I know that. I have to grow up and learn that this is how things are. If I want to succeed I have to stop waiting for people to tell me I'm doing a good job and just get on with it

“Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore.” Andre Gide

O' The Puddin' Race

Last night I treated Andrew and my Auzzie, and Kiwi housemates to a traditional Burn’s Supper. I added a Whisky sauce to keep it current.

Everyone seemed to enjoy it and after eating far too much and having a good chat over a glass of wine (and whisky, and Irn Bru…) everyone parted in merry spirits.

Then I went to bed – with me, the sure fire way of knowing that everything in my head isn’t quite right is when I go to bed exhausted and toss and turn all night with only the most meagre helping of sleep. Last night I received a grand total of 2 hours slumber and today both my body and brain feel drained.

To make myself feel better this morning I did the ‘love yourself stupid” thing. I got a little over dressed for work, spent a while on hair and makeup and left the house feeling pretty good about myself despite my sleep deprivation. I got a new hairstyle last week so played with that and added a little extra eye makeup and a bit of lippy, just for good luck.

It does help - It's like putting on the “I’m ok” mask. I have always had to ability to convince myself I’m completely fine when I’m actually not doing great. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not doing too bad just now either! I have so much to be thankful for – I’m going to remind myself with a little list –

I have a job that I love
I have lovely housemates,
I have amazing friends and even though we don’t always see each other, I know they are there
I have a family who are all in reasonable health
I will be going back up north in about 8 weeks,
I will be seeing my mum in about 4 weeks,
There are people down here who are looking out for me
I have all my limbs

All this has to be good news.

Maybe it’s because I feel a bit out of control again. Feeling out of control of certain areas of my life tends to make me revert to old habits and sink into myself which isn’t quite so good.

Well busy day in work today - System support in causing havok on the machines. I should go.